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[integer@www.god-emil.dk]

REPUBLICRATS WIN CHAOS AWARDS

WASHINGTON ~ Republicrats recently held a gala awards ceremony celebrating
the miraculous success of their progressive programs that have transformed
America into a model of perfect governance. The event was held at the posh
new Bilderberg Motel just opened on "K" Street and attracted hundreds of
Republicrat higher ups. The ceremony featured celebrity speakers and
special recognition was given to successful Republicrats that have utilized
the new chaos paradigm. The chaos paradigm is a modern scientific method of
governance based on commonly accepted physics theories and real science.




Top government officials have achieved tremendous results using the chaos
paradigm. Realizing that force creates opposing force, solutions to complex
problems have been formulated by political scientists to solve America's
problems. Republicrats Senator Fred Thompson and Attorney General Janet
Reno attended the event to claim awards for achievements in political
science and to speak at the event.

"I'd like to thank all the Republicrats here for my Republicrat Achievement
Award and I'd also like to thank each of you for your leadership in this
area. I'd also like to thank my staff of experts for their assistance to
me. The chaos paradigm and proactive theories of psycho-dynamics have
helped us to build the greatest empire in the history of the world. I meet
with my staff every day to dialogue and at the end of the day, we are able
to apply the latest modern scientific principles to political problems,"
slurred a tipsy Janet Reno speaking at the awards ceremony.

Reno presented Imperial President Clinton the Republicrat Chaos Award for
his outstanding foreign policies and then Clinton made a brief speech
before handing out Republicrat Chaos Awards for achievements in political
science.


REPUBLICRAT CHAOS AWARDS

Secretary of the Inferior Bruce Babble won a Republicrat Chaos Award for
his outstanding work in forest management. Using the laws of physics,
Babble solved the problem of forest fires. Experts under Babble's command
recently realized there was a danger of forest fires in New Mexico and were
able to devise a solution using reverse psychology combined with the chaos
paradigm. Inferior Department operatives waited until there was low
humidity, high winds, and no chance of rain and then successfully set the
forest on fire, avoiding a random forest fire.

Attorney General Reno won the coveted Republicrat Chaos Award for her
compassion for the children. Reno demonstrated uncanny abilities to solve
children's issues early on with her remarkable success in Waco. When psycho
religious kook David Koresh threatened the lives of innocent children held
hostage in his compound, Reno dispatched Special Forces to the scene
immediately. After a brief standoff, she sent in the tanks and killed the
endangered children before Koresh could harm them. Recently Reno
demonstrated her compassion for a refugee boy who was being traumatized by
his relatives. Once Reno determined that the boy was in danger of being
upset by his relatives, she sent in storm troopers and abducted the child
at gun point.

Senator Fred Thompson was given the Republicrat Chaos Award for his
investigation of campaign finance irregularities. Delving into how national
security was being compromised by political donations from parties seeking
to transfer secret military technology to Red China, the savvy Senator was
able to raise thousands of dollars from those parties and land a job for
his deadbeat son as a high paid lobbyist. Special accountants have
determined that the Senator then saved the taxpayers millions of dollars by
ending his investigations.

Drug Czar General Barry McDaffy was given the Republicrat Chaos Award (and
an extra star for his hat) for his achievements in maintaining new world
order. General McDaffy received long overdue recognition for his heroic
leadership in the war with Iraq. The General developed brilliant military
strategies to win the war, such as waiting until the enemy surrenders
before killing them. McDaffy was also given a hug by the Imperial President
for his work as Drug Czar. The remarkable General was honored for his tough
policies which have resulted in over 600,000 annual marijuana arrests, over
2,000,000 Americans in prison, increased poppy production in South America,
and a potentially profitable secret war in Colombia.

Global Reserve Chairperson Alan Greenspin received the Republicrat Chaos
Award for his scientific manipulation of the free market. Using the latest
super computers programmed with state-of-the-art chaos models, Greenspin
was able to solve the problem of inflation. The Chairperson was able to
increase inflation to 14% by raising interest rates and ordering the
treasury to print more currency.

Imperial President Clinton received the Republicrat of the Century Award
for his many outstanding achievements in foreign policy. With emphasis on
compassionate missile strikes, Clinton has achieved world peace. New chaos
paradigm theories formulated by the Imperial President were instrumental in
bringing peace to Kosovo. When the evil Serbs and the lovable Albanians
refused to stop their centuries old civil war, Clinton solved the problem
by launching peace missiles. The missile strikes, designed to persuade
civilians to give Serb leader Milosovic lower poll ratings, also resulted
in the destruction of hundreds of scary looking cardboard tanks and
intimidating cardboard airplanes built by evil Serbs.







 
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