<nettime> Flaubert, Dictionary of the Usual

[Alan Sondheim <sondheim@panix.com>]

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Flaubert, Dictionary of the Uusual


America - imperialist, runs the Net
AOL - always for the ignorant
ASCII Text - forget about it
Bandwidth - never enough of it
Computer - has no personality
Computers - will never be as smart as we are
Corporate Fascist - what everyone else is
Crash - not my fault
Cybercash - never safe
Cybersex - never as good as the real thing, not real sex
Darwin - someone who says we descended from the ape
Deconstruction - thinking about something
Descartes - cogito, ergo, sum
E-zine - not real publishing
Email - too much of it
English - always rich
English Language - too much of it
Gates - too rich
GUI - graphic user interface, for the visually-oriented
Gulf-Stream - newly discovered town in Norway
Guru - knows everything
Hackers - always everywhere, your account isn't safe
Hebrew - it's Greek to me
Humidity - cause of all sickness
Iliad - always followed by the Odyssey
Innovation - always dangerous
Inscription - always cuneiform
Internet - always dangerous
Internet Chat - always dangerous
Internet User - doesn't have a life
Jouissance - obscene word
Keyboard - soon to be replaced
Linux - always free
Lurker - dangerous, unknown
Lynx - animal celebrated for its eye
Mac - never crashes, better than PC
Macintosh - invented the Macintosh
Malthus - "the infamous Malthus"
Man - always a she
Microsoft - always venomous
Military - started the Net to spy on us
MOO - never heard of it
Moon - inspires sadness, perhaps inhabited?
MUD - always addictive
MUDDER - addict
Music - have to have it
Net Art - whatever I say it is
Net Sex - typing with one hand only, not real sex
Newbie - doesn't know anything
Newsgroups - full of spam
Oasis - desert hotel
Offline - hopelessly out of touch
Oldtimer - online for four years or more
Oracle - impossible to program
Paris - prostituted, paradise for women, hell for horses
PC - better than Mac
Penguin - see Linux
Phaeton - invented the Phaeton vehicle
Pornography - time-waster, killing our children
Privacy - there isn't any
Programming - too difficult
Robots - are going to take over the world
Salutations - always impressive
Sartre - existence precedes essence
Screen - hurts my eyes, can't read on it
Security - there isn't any
Serpent - always venomous
Shell Account - can't do anything on it, for the textually-oriented
Society - its enemies
Software - always bloated
Sun - too expensive
Them - not us
Traveler - always intrepid
Unix - too complicated
Us - not them
Windows - always crashes
Woman - always a he
World Wide Web - too crowded


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