| brian carroll on Wed, 8 Aug 2001 22:02:20 +0200 (CEST) |
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| <nettime> Automadness: Terrors of EM Research (1/2) |
[the following is written out of necessity to force change upon the situation that presents itself. it is not a piece about a private view of a private subject, a private conversation. although it has been this for many years, as one tries to do whatever they can not to complain. but when there is absolutely no possibility to go forward, then it seems time to restrategize and change the rules. the people named in this article, and the organizations, are being critiqued in a way they never have been. it has been years of trying to avoid writing this story, but it is the last thing that can be done. and it is not bothersome to see these people whom, bit by bit, have taken away the possibility of change, to have to account for their actions, as others like myself have had to change, dramatically, always for the worse. to concede, in order to survive. so too, will those who are guiding the ship now have to listen to the winds else they may find themselves shipwrecked with sharks all around. any collaborations are appreciated. time to make some change. here is my contribution to dissenting the loss of human freedoms]... A U T O B I O G R A P H Y O F M A D N E S S TERRORS OF ELECTROMAGNETIC RESEARCH public story. public facts. public individual. public domain. no copyright. 2001. no permissions necessary. please redistribute. brian thomas carroll. electromagnetic researcher. a work in progress. version 8.7.2001 http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/ ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 0-- THE MYTHIC SCHIZOPHRENIC ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 1-- HYPOCRISY OF BUREAUCRATIC DEMOCRACY ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 2-- INDEPENDENT ARCHITECTURAL RESEARCH ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 3-- ASCII ARCHITECTURE ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 4-- NO IDEOLOGICAL EXIT ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 5-- CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 6-- THE ELECTROMAGNETIC LOBOTOMY ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 7-- MULTIMEDIATED ARCHITECTURE ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 8-- ARCHITECTURAL DEBATE (SIC) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 9-- SOCIALIZED INSECURITY ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 10- ARCHITEXTUALIZING ELECTRICITY ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 11- PUBLIC DISINFORMATION ZONE ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 12- ELECTROMAGNETIC INTERNETWORKING ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 13- THE PURGING OF PUBLIC DISSENT ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 14- SEEING NO CHANGE ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 15- THE LAST OF THE FREE RADICALS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 16- GOALS FOR TODAY / contact information ------------------------------------------------------------------------ This website documents the path of an individual human being in their attempt to understand the cultural role of electromagnetism in the field of architecture. Seemingly fictive, it publicly documents the travails of an 'undisciplined' student on their public journey in search of architecture, into madness and beyond. The purpose of this individual's research work is to assist ordinary citizens in understanding complex electromagnetic phenomena within the everyday environment. And yet this work has been censored in the University; the person deemed insane for 'thinking differently'; administered electroshock treatments so as to fit back into 'normal' society; institutionalized inside bureaucracies of economic, social, and political bondage; discriminated against for challenging the status quo; surveilled by ideological opponents whom have read private e-mail, shut down two public e-mail lists, hacked their web server, defaced their website, damaged their personal computer, destroyed the computer hardware, and corrupted the software used to continue this unique electromagnetic research endeavor. As a direct result, this researcher has been unable to function, to stay employed, and has had their physical health deteriorate to the point of collapse, in order to be 'renormalized'. They can no longer continue their research of electromagnetism until help from the public arrives. This human being is now seeking to live outside the USA so as to be able to continue their work which pursues public goals without fear of oppression, something impossible to imagine from where they exist today. All of these events have led to life-threatening health and welfare problems for this individual, and they have no other option but to tell their story of the last ten years in hopes that other people will recognize this individual continues to be actively denied their basic human rights as a citizen of the world, and will legally argue, if necessary, that they have been tortured as it is defined by the United Nations Convention Against Torture (1984), Article 1(1). This claim is not idle, nor against any one individual, but against an entire cultural system as it is accumulated in the separate actions of many in positions of authority and power over time. This injustice must be recognized by others in order to change its predetermined outcome. This biography is not personal in nature, a private grievance unique to one person. Instead it publicly documents a system of Automated Madness which is working against all of humanity and is actively destroying the democratic rights and freedoms of individuals in this human republic. This researcher is in dire need of public support from fellow citizens of the world, and this is their last stand. They have tried everything to avoid this confrontation. but given no other choice, they are not ashamed to speak truth to the total authority of power over that of truth that exists in the world today. Please suspend judgment, read this story, and consider for yourself what these facts present. If you then choose to support the work of this individual human being, please send your support as soon as is possible, as a public opportunity needs to open up fast within these storied ruins, as time, energy, and resources have long run out. Contact information is below for those who want to help keep this public research effort alive. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 0-- THE MYTHIC SCHIZOPHRENIC ------------------------------------------------------------------------ SPACETIME: 1970-1990, Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA EVENTs & ANALYSIS: grow up in conservative and insular environment. go to the University of Minnesota while living in parents home. stress from clashing worldviews of upbringing and that of the larger world. question theological upbringing, in order to think independently. Thus, two worlds collide in daily life, one of the traditional past and a new cultural order. An impossible situation to resolve in the present moment, and harder yet to rationalize without any distance inbetween the oppositions. Paradox reigned supreme, in gray matter, and age-old unanswerable questions were flowing... some later digital work directly relates to what was learned from this early experience: * identity: philosophy, metaphysics, alchemy http://www.architexturez.com/site/identity/ HEALTH: diagnosed with bi-polar depression and actively administered anti-depressant drugs while attending college as a preventative measure, so as to remain within the irrational and counter-productive educational system. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 1-- HYPOCRISY OF BUREAUCRATIC DEMOCRACY ------------------------------------------------------------------------ SPACETIME: 1990-1994, on and off, University of Minnesota, Minneapolis, USA College of Architecture & Landscape Architecture (CALA) EVENTs & ANALYSIS: attempt to fit into architecture school 3 times with no success. ideas did not fit well within the corporatized studio-driven educational model, which does not allow for basic research. imagination, while good for design, was a negative in that i 'did the opposite of everyone else' and was called 'schizophrenic' for work i pursued. never did anything 'right', in an esoteric type of moral-architectural truth. for example, in a course on environmental systems, by including noise from airplanes and cars, and pollution from the busy streets next to a famous architect's library, my work was chided by the teacher as i was disrespecting authority by bringing up these issues in my homework, well within the range of reasoning... . during one of my three times leaving architectural school an architectural teacher whom i once admired, Andrzej Piotrowski , told me in no uncertain terms that i could never study, understand, nor know 'Architecture' outside of the University. i disagreed, may have called it 'dogma' as he liked to say to me, and proceeded to leave school, considered a failure. wrote to this teacher later regarding my work but was never responded to, as i was no longer a part of the institution, even though i was doing public architectural work. this professor has just published a book from the University Press on Architectural Discipline and Authority. This is highly disturbing in that while he may understand power, he lacks a broader truth. This is amongst the gravest insults i have encountered in my journeys, the betrayal of truth by power, and the takeover of public education by a privatized despotism. . well-known urban planner William Morrish met with me during his after class hours. Morris had a class similar to the book Defining Community: A Neighborhood Perspective which "... identifies and synthesizes the ideas, strategies, and partnerships that Minneapolis residents are generating through a wide variety of neighborhood planning processes, particularly the Neighborhood Revitalization Program (NRP)." at that time i was working for the University of Minnesota's Center for Urban and Regional Affairs (CURA) for the NRP in Minneapolis' Phillips neighborhood as a housing researcher and was actually doing the work the class was about. the class project i presented expanded the local media infrastructure to empower the community, such as with freenets, bulletin board systems (BBS), and community radio. my work was considered 'confusing' to the Teaching Assistant, as they did not understand it (or what a computer network was), and i received a poor grade. When i went to talk with the professor about this, he confided something to the effect that school was not the time for working on your own ideas. that it would take fifteen years, and if i wanted to work on my own ideas it may be better to leave school. i was ready to do my thesis at the end of grade1 and had 3 years to wait before i could, and even then i would not be able to pursue `basic research' dealing the role of electrification within the built environment, but instead would be 'designing' a building for a fictional client. thus, i was told in so many words by Morris that my personal (public) architectural ideas did not belong in a University college of architecture, and that i'd have to leave to work on these ideas. he said this with compassion and pragmatism, and i appreciated his honesty. yet, for me this was a cultural death sentence, being a student without a degree, with no hope of working in the profession, student loan debts, and in waiting arms of the psychiatric arm of the state. . met with studio professor Lance Lavine and tried conveying my ideas on electricity's role in architecture by showing brochures for American Electric streetlights and comparing theme to the Classical orders of Greco-Roman architecture. I was told 'this is not architecture, this is engineering' in absolute terms. meaning that it had no cultural dimension. ironically, this same teacher publishes a book on Mechanics and Meaning in Architecture from the University Press in 2000, which explores '...technology's role in architecture and, in turn, humanity's understanding of nature." and his work focusses on electrical HVAC systems which would not exist today without electricity and such absolute statements were and are absurd but cannot be challenged, as they are status quo answers beyond questioning, even to this day, as truth is secondary to power in architectural discourse. . during a class presentation, studio professor B. Aaron Parker censored me when saying i could not discuss the electrical distribution 'poles' on my map for my studio project, as they were not architecture. i said they were architecture, and he declared i could not talk about them. This is the map i worked on to show how the electrical distribution grid is an architectural order in the built environment but it was the 'wrong' idea, again... * contextual site map displaying electrical order http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/icons/map.html i left the architectural program after appealing to the Dean that i was being censored, and even had my work ruined when a vandal threw water all over the map. . i went to the office of the Dean of CALA at that time, Harrison Fraker, Jr. and tried to convey my intentions that i was being held back by the educational system. He was unable to help find a way for me to continue my work at the university, and i was handed down to three professors who were also unable to relate to anything i was saying about the electrical infrastructure, computer networks, the Internet, etceteras. Ironically when i asked for Dean Fraker's help, he ended up saying, in effect: there is nothing i can do. i was referred to go to the Independent Study program at the University. It is quite ironic to me that this architectural administrator is now the Dean of the College of Environmental Design at the University of California, Berkeley. it shows how the spirit of freedom of thought of the 1960s student movement in the University has been rolled-back when a helpless Dean now leads a supposedly emancipated school. It is indicative of how radically conservative the architectural profession remains today. HEALTH: frustrated, was told to see a University psychiatrist, which i did to stay in school. i was given medicines such as tranquilizers and anti-psychotics while telling the psychiatrist that what i was attempting to say in architectural school was being censored and unfair. That i was sane, that the teachers would not accept facts into debates, etc. productive period of ascii architecture, where my ideas were not accepted in school, so i put them online, specifically in the design-lit forum from Pennsylvania State University, a list founded by Howard Ray Lawrence and now run by John Young of cryptome.org. My posts on the design-list range from the architectural establishment to my specific ideas on the implicit role of electricity in understanding the built environment and architecture of the present day, including the early Internet. anxiety attack when professor said i could not present my own work in front of the 100 or so classmates. another student presented my work as i had to stand by listening. they didn't even know what my work was about. as i heard them improvise an architectural presentation about it which had nothing to do with what i created, but with what the 'educators' wanted students to hear, see, and believe. i started to hyperventilate and my chest and arms tightened and i ran to the hospital, as i began getting extremely ill from the absurdity of this situation. It was apparent i was the one who did not belong in this system, and could not be made to fit either, as i was too wild, or 'not disciplined' enough. i contacted the Legal Aid society and tried to bring a lawsuit against the University for limiting my ability to speak about my ideas in school. but they said they could not take the case, as it was not clear cut enough. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 2-- INDEPENDENT ARCHITECTURAL RESEARCH ------------------------------------------------------------------------ SPACETIME: 1993, University of Minnesota, Minneapolis, USA Program for Individualized Learning (PIL) EVENTs & ANALYSIS: apply for an Independent Study at the Program for Individualized Learning (PIL) at the University of Minnesota. After three failed attempts to fit my public educational pursuits into the College of Architecture (CALA) `training' environment, it was my last hope to continue my work. As I remember the application was turned down on its own merits. I also was unable to find an academic advisor in the architecture department whom I could work with. Thus, my application was not accepted. * rejected P.I.L. Independent Study application http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/pil/ this meant I had no architectural future in the University and would have to leave it to pursue public research. By doing so, I would be considered crazy, as I was not making 'rational' decisions by continuing this pursuit to my own personal detriment. The atmosphere was one of being perceived by others as not knowing what is 'good for me' and needing bureaucracies to decide what is reasonable for me to be doing, such as working in a Coca-Cola factory. . start researching online, in lieu of being able to pursue my ideas in the local environment, in hopes that somehow i can find a way to continue my education... * first 'Architecture and Electricity' post online http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/texts/alphae.html HEALTH: Without institutional support in an official independent study program, the individual student was prescribed psychiatric medications so to explain 'irrational' behavior in a suitable way to others, i.e., the person is mentally ill for pursuing ideas that the institutions are not ready to accept or allow as legitimate decisions. Thus, the individual learner is cast out of the educational environment, and is on their own. The free pursuit of truth and knowledge in educational disciplines is limited by institutional power and its rote bureaucracy. ~~~ SPACETIME: 1993-1994, University of Minnesota, Minneapolis. enroll in various multidisciplinary classes outside of any formal degree tract, just to learn. EVENTs & ANALYSIS: study Science and the State with professor Donald Geesaman at the Hubert H. Humphrey Institute for Public Affairs, a genuine public philosopher. some essays and ideas that bubbled to the surface of the mind during that influential time include: * Window (1993) http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/dg/window.html * The Spectrum from Truth to Power and Constitutional Relativity http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/dg/spectrum.html * Text to Self (1994) http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/dg/text2self.html * The Architect of Policy http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/dg/policy.html * Being a Student in the Transition http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/dg/dg.html ... some evidence that i was conducting computer searches of public libraries in an effort to find books related to the cultural aspects of technology during this specific period of time, in order to work my way out of the predicament i was inside: * computer search for 'technology' (1993) http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/dg/library.html ... simultaneously take a class on the United Nations with professor Knutson and submit the following paper for a final project which received a nearly failing grade at the time. The paper explored the realm of telecommunications and energy systems in relation to international governance and public representation. * The Architecture of the United Nations (1993) http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/AUN/main.html most of this paper was written to try to explain 'why' one would write such a paper, yet it still was not good enough. ... about this same time i attend a metal sculpture class and design and build two symbolic electrical artifacts: * Electrical Crucifixion (1993) http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/icons/crucifixion.html * Automatic Streetlight (1993) http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/icons/light.html these become foundational for me, by putting the ideas and experience in a tangible form, in relation to the world around me and the world inside me, in conflict. HEALTH: Donald Geesaman was the best teacher i have ever had. a true philosopher. As the question was never answered in advance, and always contemplated again and again. His work influenced me greatly and aided in my 'mental-health' in that he did not treat me as crazy but as someone who was questioning the world around them, the goal of education. This helped me to continue on, despite a threshold that would be with me for years which i could never break through. But the ideas, and the freedom of thinking that Geesaman shared was truly inspirational and i will always admire his humanity and graciousness and daring to think while in the University. his work helped me ground my mind, in the realm of science in relation to art, and thus a good foundation for architectural research. while making sculptures i was given medicines which made me so unstable i would temporarily be unable to see. It was not due to welding, either. i began to feel psychotic and the medicines, for the first time in my life, made me feel suicidal, as they made me feel crazed. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 3-- ASCII ARCHITECTURE ------------------------------------------------------------------------ SPACETIME: online the Internet Design-List, 1993-present EVENTs & ANALYSIS: go online the internet and write about my architectural ideas on the design-list. find others whom are willing to listen and debate the ideas: here are a few posts which reflect the attempt to break down the issues faced when trying to enact institutional change (language, identity, logic, and power): * sample of ASCII architecture online http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/ascii-arch/ write about the experience at the University of Minnesota College of Architecture and Landscape Architecture (CALA) online the design-list: * private public service (1995) http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/texts/service.html receive feedback from professors, students, and professionals that others are experiencing similar limitations, and meet several good friends through this public dialogue. HEALTH: Some ASCII architecture from this time period was kindly published in the book Being On-line, edited by Alan Sondheim, Lusitania press. The academic saga unfolded online and as a result i was in many public debates about architecture, my research, the educational system, and beyond... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 4-- NO IDEOLOGICAL EXIT ------------------------------------------------------------------------ SPACETIME: 1994~1995, Western Europe and back in less than 30 days Amsterdam, Paris, Venice upon returning to the USA i attend a grant-writing workshop and apply for a research grant with the Charles Lindbergh foundation for cultural research on technology. My proposal is declined without comment. EVENTs & ANALYSIS: fly to Europe in search of architecture, and for opportunities to work on architectural research. It is here that i realize the electrical infrastructure is a common, international aesthetic. For example, in Venice, Italy, all the rooftops of buildings hundreds of years old have television antennas atop them. * cover of hand-made book on universal aesthetics (1994) http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/icons/book.html upon returning to the USA i created a handmade book with colored paper and drawings and photographs about the idea of universal aesthetics and its relationship to the electrical infrastructure, which i discovered during my European travels. i used this book as a document to try to logically communicate with my professors, with visual evidence for my public ideas based in fact. again, with no luck. likewise, i realized public utilities and construction sites also shared universal aesthetics via color, material, and form, especially during various stages of a building's construction. This view enables one to relate language with architecture, order, and design. The sum of this work is later exhibited in an online photogallery: * the aesthetics of deconstruction (2000) http://www.architexturez.com/decon/ the common language of construction and demolition across world cultures, which could become the basis for a shared language of design, and of identity. with no money to stay in Europe, and no work for student architectural researchers available, it was necessary to go back 'home' and face the inevitable- being institutionalized as a madman. there was and is no way out of this cultural institutional insanity, only ways deeper into its rotten core. i confide in a friend in Italy that i know if i return i will be electroshocked. cannot avoid returning to Minnesota, and thus face the consequences for not 'obeying the rules' of the authorities of the reigning architectural establishment. HEALTH: absolutely crazed. The complexity of my situation, and seeing no probable way out other than death made me try to escape to Europe, in hopes that i could find something to stop what i foresaw inevitably happening if i should have to return, being labeled crazy, on more and more drugs, and inevitably becoming more and more institutionalized, more and more crazy as i pursue this public work, as there was and is no other possible outcome given the total control over thought in the architectural academy. i could not foresee a life for myself in the USA where i could continue my work and be free, within its system, and within the psychology of culture. becoming confused from being processed in the cultural system for not fitting in, i began to worry i lost control over my limited ability to self-determine my future. instead, i faced the chaos and fury of the status quo, and as a consequence was losing my sense of identity. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 5-- CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT ------------------------------------------------------------------------ SPACETIME: 1994-1995, USA severe psychiatric breakdowns due to complications with prescribed medications, requiring me to hospitalize myself twice to stay alive, as i lose my ability to think rationally due to the enormous pressure, and the hopelessness that nothing can be done to live life outside of the total authority of cultural bondage. EVENTs & ANALYSIS: returning to the USA and i had no other choice but to stop fighting the system and passively accept the label of being 'chronic mentally ill' so as to survive, and have my student debt reduced, and to obtain food, clothing, and shelter by the State of Minnesota. ultimately, i had no other choice than to accept i was 'insane' in order to stay alive, a forced confession so to speak, under duress. Instead, my ideas did not belong 'in the real world' and i was institutionalized in the mental health sector and shunned by former teachers and students as being an aberration as i had failed to change anything, and thus was not fit enough to survive the psychological hazing of architectural 'training'. During this time, US Senator Newt Gingrich publicly declared something to the effect that 'if you are perceived as being mentally ill or disabled, then you are'. so, ethically and morally i used this as my guideline for knowingly choosing to accept this paradoxical label in order to survive, as the reason for my mental illness was others who were labeling me as such, while denying all logic, rationality, reason, facts, and the truth i tried presenting at every possible moment in an attempt to fit into the current system, to help change it for the better, in the public interest. This was a completely coerced confession, else i would never get out of the hospital unless i agreed that i was mentally ill. to stay alive i joined a Mental Health Day Treatment program for roughly one year as a certified schizophrenic while reading Deleuze & Guattari's Anti-Oedipus, Schizophrenia and Capitalism. It became a useful tool, and this psychiatric philosophy, or 'schizo-philosophy', offered a type of liberation-in-waiting from the United Statesian worldview. After several months in Day Treatment it was clear that the only way out of the hospital is through total submission, and fully adopting the identity of being mentally ill, and being process through the mental health system, hopefully to come out on the other side. This involved the death of the ego, and also the conceptual death of the individual as bearer of meaning. The future would bring the altogether unexpected, onward... HEALTH: given pills to control my behavior, and continue trying to work within the system to move the ideas forward. given anti-psychotic medications, i start to feel suicidal beyond my own will. working in Minneapolis in landscaping. have to quit because of side-effects of the psychiatric drugs which try to adapt me into the system. So too, my ability to work is ended when taking psychiatric pills and building boulder walls, as i collapse into a fetal position on the ground while outside working in the sun. i am now totally physically and mentally reliant upon the drugs to determine what i can and cannot do, to the point of complete submission, else there is only suicide. unable to work, have to enter the hospital as a way to stay alive, and ultimately the only choice, in order to continue working on my ideas in the system, becomes ECT... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 6-- THE ELECTROMAGNETIC LOBOTOMY ------------------------------------------------------------------------ SPACETIME: 1993-present, the Internet Design-List reading Sartre's work Being and Nothingness while going into the hospital for ECT. related to ideas of non-being and of an existential process of becoming a self without an identity. post-ECT, it takes 6 years of failure trying to fit back into society that necessitates looking back into these files, in the summer of 2001, to accept the consequences and acknowledge the anger and resentment i have for having to undergo such an event in 'the land of the free'. EVENTs & ANALYSIS: i break down and volunteer for Electroshock therapy, as it is the last thing i can do to try to change my situation. i was not coerced in any way to do this by any individual, but by an entire bureaucratic system which makes the individual conform to its needs, and never adapts to the needs of unique individuals. electroshock therapy is and was *torture* in the sense that it became the only choice for me to survive with my public architectural ideas in a despotic system with a remnant of my self intact, so i was hoping. And a future where i might have a different perspective, due to a mental rebooting which, one must trust, i would rather avoid at any cost besides that of death without ever having lived. During hospitalization i decided to create an e-mail discussion list called e-shock for keeping the ordeal public while institutionalized to undergo electroshock therapy during a two week period. i have hardly any memory of this event, but do remember getting my computer out of a locked area in the nurses quarters (where they kept the medicines and dangerous items) and then unplugging the phone in the hallway and putting my 386sx laptop on a small table or chair and dialing up the Internet to send out semi-weekly messages updating the ongoing events via a 2400 baud modem. * E-Shock mailing list posts (1995) http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/e-shock/ yet, it was not the ECT itself which was the problem, as it did help in some ways to keep the ideas alive. The problem is that electroshock was the ONLY option to continue working on public ideas, that they are considered mentally ill and in need of reform, or, the literal erasure, and rebooting of the brain, so one has to reformulate their whole universe again. Thus, this event finally made me truly insane, as it was pure torture, and i will never recover what was lost in this destructive attempt to heal me of my 'irrational thoughts', judged so as they did not fit into the University system, and i hold the architectural establishment significantly responsible for denying the public pursuit of architectural knowledge, in order to hold onto the truth as they see it, in a privatized authoritarian worldview. HEALTH: frequently nightmares, the memory of electroshock is so disturbing. many nights when falling into sleep, i remember being prepared for ECT when the shock-doc said- 'Let's Turn it (electrical voltage) up this time..."- which filled me with terror as i fell into unconsciousness in the operating room. post-ECT effects include language troubles, damaged memory, social stigma, illegitimacy, prejudice, psychological issues, etc. After shock it becomes impossible to read. often have short seizure-like events with a brain twitch, a miniature seizure where the brain reboots, similar to that which Virilio describes in 'the Aesthetics of Disappearance.' ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 7-- MULTIMEDIATED ARCHITECTURE ------------------------------------------------------------------------ SPACETIME: 1996-1998, move from Minneapolis, Minnesota to San Francisco Bay Area, Northern California, USA EVENTs & ANALYSIS: attend school for multimedia studies and continue to independently research the relationship between architecture and electricity. apply for a grant from Weblab.org for the Architecture of Electricity project run by the former head of the P.O.V. film series in the USA. my work is again turned down for not being what they are looking for in web content, while they promote their service as something to challenge status quo views of things. Apply for a 2 year scholarship to the SFSU Multimedia Studies Program, then directed by Randall Packer. Move to California to attend school and work independently on public ideas i was unable to pursue in architectural school. in my scholarship application i attempted to explain my paradoxical situation: * Multimedia Studies scholarship application (1995) http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/mm/form.html i was grateful to learn many new skills such as digital audio, video, and imaging in a CD-rom based curriculum. later on, i taught myself web skills, and applied all of these newfound skills in producing works online. . As a result of a having time to research, it became possible to develop various aspects of the future Architecture of Electricity thesis for my graduation project. John Young at cryptome.org kindly scanned and posted a document online that i sent out in paper form to dozens of Architectural academics and administrators regarding the research i was developing, and asking for support. i received no replies: * the AE blueprint @ cryptome.org (1997-1998) http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/cryptae/AE.htm The result of this blueprint was an online prototype of an educationally-oriented map of electricity and an electrical cosmology to help explain why one would want to rationally define a direct lineage from the Big Bang to the Internet: * Mapping the Electrical Assemblage (1998) http://www.architexturez.com/mea/mea_m.htm * The Story of Electricity (1998) http://www.architexturez.com/mea/story1/2main.htm my work included 3D computer model of a chess set that i described in the Program for Individualized Learning (PIL) application years before... * Electrical Power System chess set (1998) http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/chess/1.htm upon graduating from school, receive the Robert Bell outstanding achievement award and share my work online the Internet, but still no one in the field of architecture relates to it, and so i accept that i will need to find work in the field of multimedia, and pursue my architectural research on the side. My main goals were to stay healthy and work my way off of public assistance. both of which prove impossible. HEALTH: went dentist, dr. vu, who asked why i had disability insurance. i said i was mentally disabled. all people in the office were screaming or moaning in pain. young and old. i began questioning the work she was doing on my teeth, as she would just start drilling until she hit a nerve, and then i would demand to know what she was doing and i was assured i had severe problems with my teeth. when i told others about my suspicions, i was considered paranoid. So i was silent and accepted that i must be 'crazy' to question this dentist. In the end, i was given 4 unnecessary root canals, none of which the state would pay to cap, so i had teeth without tops, which were severely infected by unhygienic tools and overdoses and subsequent reactions to antibiotics. In an emergency a relative helped pay for me to visit another dentist as i was in so much pain i could not think. today my teeth are still infected and my health never recovered from having the dentist drill on open nerves and misuse of antibiotics. dr. vu left town without a trace after 'mining' my teeth and many other people using the public health system. ~~~ SPACETIME: 1998-1999 EVENTs & ANALYSIS: although displaying skills often much more diverse than most employed in the multimedia industry in San Francisco, i am unable to even get interviews based on my resume and portfolio. So too, my architectural work and research are of no help in obtaining a way out of total dependency and subservience to the statistical ideal of the reigning bureaucratic worldview. develop a portfolio of my digital media skills for showcasing my work skills for potential employers, in an attempt to work my way off of Social Security. My unique generalist skills are not valued in the specialist marketplace. * SITE (going offline) http://www.architexturez.com/site/ as a public service, develop and maintain an online portal and archive of freely available architectural research and theory texts online the Internet in my spare time, while working on my architectural research. It becomes an established site, on the main page of Yahoo, and has 30,000 plus visitors a year. Yet still cannot find work in the profession. * architexturez.com (being transferred) http://www.architexturez.com/ also create an architectural glossary in an attempt to deal with the pervasive architectural issue regarding discourse and language, in an attempt to find a shared meaning. * The glossalalia project (being transferred) http://www.architexturez.com/glossalalia/ both the architexturez and glossalalia projects are being transferred to a team of online collaborators whom will continue to develop the projects for the public domain. HEALTH: a computer grant was facilitated through the Center for Independent Living (CIL) in Berkeley, California, where the disability rights movement began in the USA, including originating the drive for the American with Disabilities Act and advocacy for disabled rights to work. The goal of the computer grant is to work my way off the Social Security system. The mac-clone enables many things, including reentering the workforce as an independent contractor at SFSU's MM and IT Corporate Training program, helping develop their website and strategy part-time, while also continuing my architectural research, which i desperately need to do to keep my sanity. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 8-- ARCHITECTURAL DEBATE (SIC) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ SPACETIME: 1998, the Internet Design-List EVENTs & ANALYSIS: architecture exists online in a way it cannot offline. That is, all of its paradoxes and difficulties cannot be contained in a clean-room environment and philosophical architectures are beginning to form through debates in public forums. There is no 'public' architectural debate, outside the University. But sometimes there is, in some regards, a fish out of water... debated Columbia University's architectural theorist Stephen Perrella in a public forum, the design-list, regarding a Lingua Franca article and the ideas presented therein centering around the idea of 'schizo-philosophy' as employed as a radical politic inside the insular circles of architectural theorists inside the University. i called this an absurd theoretical bluff, in so many words. The result was an exchange in the design-list archives... * debate with spN of Columbia University (1998) http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/debate/ the debate ended, as if it never happened. spN privately said he would send me a copy of his hypersurface book and then offered me a chance to write in his next book. neither of which happened. And both of which seemed like an opportunistic buyout at the time, as he owns access to the press. For me all of this it was an indication that architectural thought today is highly privatized and controlled inside the University, to the point where it is impossible to have an open, public debate, as those in positions of power with total authority over the interpretation of architectural ideology may risk being wrong or having their ideas proven basically unsound. HEALTH: besides the prevailing prejudice about being labeled schizophrenic and thus, all my work being boiled down to firstly being that of a mad person, dangerous even, and most certainly irrational, no matter how logical or rational or reasonable one may be. They are still nuts, then there is 'certainty' of where they fit into the ruling system of order and control over independent thought. these documents are presented to give the reader an opportunity to review architectural discourse outside the institutional walls which confine architectural truth and knowledge. [end part 1/2] --------------------++----- Les faits sont faits. http://felix.openflows.org # distributed via <nettime>: no commercial use without permission # <nettime> is a moderated mailing list for net criticism, # collaborative text filtering and cultural politics of the nets # more info: majordomo@bbs.thing.net and "info nettime-l" in the msg body # archive: http://www.nettime.org contact: nettime@bbs.thing.net