<nettime> Pope Francis CDXIX

[t byfield <tbyfield@panix.com>]

< http://www.crookedtimber.org/archives/000712.html >

     Dear Sir, I pray this important message meets you in peace, may
     blessings of God be upon you and your family and grant you the
     wisdom to understand my situation and how much I really need your
     assistance. Before I start let me introduce myself, my name is
     FRANCIS ARINZE, Cardinal of the most holy Catholic and
     Apostolic Church, former President of the Vatican's Pontifical
     Council for Interreligious Dialogue and prefect of divine worship
     and discipline of sacraments. I have recently been elected Pontiff
     of the Universal Church by the conclave of cardinals, which you may
     have seen on the news.

     Upon accession to my office I found that the spiritual finances of
     the church were in a difficult position dues to the activities
     of certain members of my predecessor's staff. Budgetary
     measures undertaken by an American auditor have rectified the
     account sheet, but in the process they were forced to temporarily
     suspend the decision of St Pius V banning financial
     transactions in indulgences.

     As you are a learned person, you will no doubt be aware that the
     Treasury of the Church constitutes an inexhaustible fund which,
     via standard open-market operations, was easily sufficient to remit
     the debt. Due to the unexpected intervention of St Anthony,
     however, we also turned up three large trunks filled with
     devotional medals, last seen during the later years of the
     reign of Boniface VIII. Each of these medals is enriched with a
     perpetual apostolic indulgence good for the extra-sacramental
     remission, a culpa et a poena, of temporal punishment due to
     one (1) mortal or ten (10) venal sin(s), and valued at
     approximately $125 million at prevailing exchange rates.

     These trunks are located in vaults of a security company in The
     Netherlands (Holland). I was contacted in a letter dated 12th of
     September by the security company asking me to indicate if I was in
     receipt of the letter as a sign that I am living and still
     subscribed for their service.

     I am interested in using a small fraction of this money, much less
     than one percent for a re-organization of the work of God, plus some
     necessary payments to certain litigants in the United States, but I
     do not need the rest and do not want to have any direct dealing
     with it. But I need someone who will be able to use the fund better
     maybe for charity or something universally profitable. I have
     thought of doing it myself but, well, I am the Pope and a trip to
     Holland in the popemobile might be noticed. I will be glad if
     you have any interest in the direction of maybe managing or
     transmitting the fund as you prefer in your capacity and
     understanding.

     I will be glad to get a response from you ASAP.

     Regards, FRANCIS ARINZE (Pope)

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