Syndicate: Belgrade, Serbia. March - June 1999

[furtherfield <info@furtherfield.org>]

extract - Aleksandar Gubas
Belgrade, Serbia
March - June 1999

BALONEY
?This diary I kept is my own attempt at presenting a view of the war from
within. My intention has not been to tell the "ultimate truth" through this
diary, since truth is never black and white. Thus I feel sorry for some
readers who interpret my diary as one-sided propaganda. Such is the
interpretation of those who live in a strictly binary world with only two
possible solutions, which are either 0 or 1; if you do not clearly state "I
am 1!", they label you as an 0 propagandist. However, if you exclaim "I am
1!", then you are not a propagandist, but a good guy.


With all the due compassion with the suffering of Albanians in Kosovo, I do
not see the point of writing about that in my diary, since that is not a
part of my experience. You can regard me as a selfish person because, while
being bombed, I am concerned about nothing but my ass, but I would be
insincere if I wrote about anything save my own life. I think that every
honest diarist should take that stand. Nothing is easier than filling the
ears of the readers with several commonplaces on universal human values,
applying them to something you may not have the first-hand knowledge of. I
do not want either to dwell on commonplaces or to take the floor if there is
nothing new I can tell from the horse's mouth. I will gladly discuss the
situation in Kosovo over e-mail with everybody who is interested, but I do
not think this diary the proper place for that.
Besides, I want to say that I was not keeping this diary out of a delusion
or a wish to make any substantial influence on anything at this moment. I
write out of the simple wish to document a completely unique, very weird and
very difficult state of mind, and to make as many people as possible
familiar with it, helping them in that way to picture themselves in a
similar situation. I would be happy if my writing helped people understand
that the war is no spectacle or pathos, but rather bare emotions, hopes and
contemplation, if it helped them realize that this war is so unprecedented
that it will make a heavy impact on the ways of the world at the beginning
of the new millennium. I do not expect people to feel an urge to act about
that now, because nothing spectacular is going to happen now.

No Third World War is going to break out now, the populace of Yugoslavia is
not going to be erased from the face of the earth, NATO is not going to
disintegrate tomorrow. I only want people to be prepared to face
philosophical, moral, political, economic and even artistic consequences of
the mere fact that this war was waged the way it was.
??Belgrade, Serbia, May 1999
 
http://www.dido.uk.net/agubas/index.htm
http://www.dido.uk.net

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